Hurt

Well I found this song that I've been listening to constantly- "Miserable At Best" by Mayday Parade. I can't seem to get the tune out of my head and the lyrics are ok but I have decided to rewrite it. Ok, its a big project and its not like I do this often and its a long song, but someone has inspired me to do it. So, that's my plan, and I'm also learning to play it on the piano and hopefully the guitar. I love music and its a way to get me playing. I think this is going to take me quite a while though, oh well I'll let you know when I'm done and maybe put it on youtube. Now if you listen to the song then you will see how it ties into the title.

Hurt, yes, its amazing all the little ways one can be hurt when they open themselves up to people. It gets even harder when two people are in different places in life so what one expects the other can't give. Now as I said in my last blog, sometimes the best things in life come with a little heartache, but when does it become too much I wonder? I think everyone has their own limits.
I, along with everyone else, have had my share of heartache and I have to say the more times it happens the less willing I am to let it happen again. So I think I can understand when some people are hurt really badly they aren't in a hurry to get out there and let it happen again. I think its important to give yourself a healing time before you move on to your next "love" because otherwise you carry that pain with you and makes the next relationship you have pretty hard not only for you but for the person your seeing. I also think that if you find yourself in such a relationship, meaning with someone who is still hurting, you might want to back out until that person is truly ready and if its meant to be he or she will come back. Of course in order for them to want to come back you need to be very understanding and kind when you say 'come back when you ready'.
lol, well those are my thoughts for the day.

New This, New That

Well blogger's its been awhile, but every time I come on this thing I find that I have nothing to say or what I wanted to say I wasn't sure I should, haha.

So I've been ok here back in Victoria. It is a beautiful city and even though there are things I don't like about it, but I also know that if I don't try and be happy now I never will.

Life sure throws me around sometimes. I mean one minute I'm in Burns Lake the next Northern Ireland and now I'm right back where I started and where I never wanted to be, lol.

I'm working in my old job which isn't go so well, but it will only be until the end of the summer. I can't wait until Fall, because I am actually going to college. I just can't believe it sometimes, but its comforting to have something solid in my life when everything else always changes.

Of course I don't know what will happen next year but for now I'm quite content to be focused on school, for the most part.

There is one part of my life that has changed and its not exactly a solid change, meaning I have no idea which way it will go. I think some of the best things in life come with a little risk and this change is defiantly a risk and it has brought me a lot of happiness but it has also brought a lot of worry and fear. I have great hopes though, that with a bit of patients and lots of prayer things will only get better. Haha, have you figured out what I'm talking about yet, well I'm not going to say for sure this time but maybe another. However, I would appreciate prayer to help me get through the difficult times.

Well I'll try and write more in the coming months, for I think life is just getting more interesting by the day and I have to tell somebody about it, lol.

LOTS OF LUV!

WOW

Well, I haven't written in a while so I thought I should think of something to say...
I'm back in Canada now. I sure had an interesting four months in Northern Ireland and already look forward to going back there as soon as I can. Though there was some difficult times, with my passport and the fact that I sat around too much putting on weight, I still can't say I regret it. I know what I would do different next time...PLAN! I thought I would be spontaneous and just get up and go, it works for some people, but it sure makes life hard if you don't plan some parts. However, I realise that I need to relax a bit more with my decision, 'not every decision is life or death'. I think with this new frame of mind I might actually decide what I wish to do with my life. Lets just hope!
Anyway I'm still adjusting to the time change, I get really tired around 9pm and am wide a wake at 7am which is a complete change for me. It was a really warm and sunny day today so my mom, my two little brothers and I went for a walk down town. Victoria is a lovely city in the spring and summer, there's always something going on. I am going to try and take lots of pictures and put them all on facebook for everyone to see. Well I guess that's it for now, I'm starting to fall asleep.....ZZzzzz. Hopefully I'll have something more interesting to say next week.
bye for now

Where I'm at.

What an interesting time I've had in Northern Ireland. I've met family, made friends, and seen a completely different part of the world that is rich with natural beauty.

I came here with the plan to get to know my family and to try and work and experience the culture. However along the way I have hit a few obstacles that have made me think twice about my plans and gave me a different view on life. I had a bit of a struggle getting my British passport, I am pleased so say now that it is on its way and I will have it by the beginning of April, however the difficulty of the situation opened my mind to other options and other ideas for my life. At this time in life I have such a desire to serve God. My Father has given me so much, and although I have fought against what I knew to be the right thing for me, He stood by me and waited patiently. I don't have complete clarity about what I am to do yet but I know that my Lord will be there to guide me each step of the way.

This is my prayer:

Rushing wind blow through this temple, Blowing out the dust within, Come and breathe you breath upon me, Ive been born again. Holy spirit, I surrender, take me where you want to go, Plant me by your living water, Plant me deep so I can grow. Jesus, your the one, who sets my spirit free, Use me lord, glorify, your holy name through me. Separate me from this world lord. Sanctify my life for you. Daily change me to your image, Help me bear good fruit. Every day your drawing closer. Trials come to test my faith. But when all is said and done lord, You know, it was worth the wait. Jesus, your the one, who set my spirit free, Use me lord, glorify, your holy name through me. Rushing wind blow through this temple, Blowing out the dust within, Come and breathe you breath upon me, For Ive been born again. Keith Green's Rushing Wind

Reality....OUCH!

Have you every had reality hit you right between the eyes?...ouch!! It sure doesn't feel that great.

Reality: the state or quality of being real, resemblance to what is real, something that is real.

Sounds rather dull to be honest. My mom is very found of the word and always makes me look at the reality of the situation which usually makes me want to turn and run in the opposite direction.

Well no matter how hard a girl tries eventually you become like you mother, which isn't all a bad thing, don't get me wrong. However, I've found myself lately looking at the 'reality' of the situation and it doesn't look good.

So, to the point, otherwise I will ramble on about this forever. The reality of the situation is I may not be able to stay in Northern Ireland after all. I've had a headache for days trying to figure out a way around this but I think I've finally come to terms with the fact that I don't have much option. The passport office is wanting records of where I've live for the past three years. However, you could say I've lived like a gypsy for the past few years so I don't have all the documents I may need. So I will send in all I have, and probably within a week or two at the most I will know what I need to do.

Sometimes things don't always work out the way you planned, but I'm okay with that. I have learnt a few lessons and met some wonderful people, so it isn't all bad. I'm quite content to go back to my little town of Burns Lake, if needed. If I'm however, fortunate enough to be able to stay that would also make me happy and I would give it a go.

I would appreciate if you could pray for the situation.

Thanks

God Bless

Home

Have you ever hear the saying "Home is where the heart is"?

Well I'm having a homesickness day. I've been sitting here looking at pictures from my beautiful little town of Burns Lake, while tears start to fill my eyes and chocolate wrappers fill the floor. It is hard starting a new life in a new place. Sometimes it is easy to take for granted the place you live and the friends that truly love you, even when they know how silly you can be at times. I feel fortunate to have such friends who send encouraging letters to help me get through these times. What a blessing you are to me.

The one thing I would do if I were in Burns right now is: Go for a drive out of town and shoot my bow and arrow.

Of course at the moment it would be kind of cold to do that.

Well, I send a shout out to all my good friends. I pray you are all well and that one day I will see you again.

Love You All.

Pondering the book of Matthew.

To Ponder: to weigh in the mind with thoroughness and care

I always enjoy reading the book of Matthew. It is laid out in such a clear way that I find it a refreshing start to the year. It helps me to reexamine my own life, and therefor giving me a list of things to improve in myself for the year. I also usually find one or two things that I tend to overlook or not see the importance of or simply misinterpret in daily study.

Matthew to chapter 21: 22

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

It sound simple enough but I think I had a dozen questions regarding this verse: Does that mean you can only pray for something once and if you pray for it again you don't truly believe? Does "If you believe" refer to your faith in God or faith that it will be done?

It was interesting the questions that popped up in my head even though I felt I already new the answer.

Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Matthew 7:8"For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

In each case the meaning is- keep on asking, keep on seeking, keep on knocking. My Dad said to me "Your heavenly Father knows how to give good gifts to his children...he will give you what you want but maybe not in the way you expect." So, Lord, I will keep on praying.

Here's another one:

Matthew 22:14 "For many are invited, but few are chosen."

Okay, maybe a bit of a tricky topic but it is a verse that has interest me. It comes from the parable of the wedding banquet. Jesus was saying that "The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son..." In short, the king sends his servants to those that had been invited but they refuse and mistreat the servants. He then sent servants to invite those that were gathered in the streets. The wedding hall was filled but when the king came in to see the the guests, he noticed a man who was not in wedding clothes. He then told his attendants to throw him out where there would me "weeping and gnashing of teeth."

In Greek "many" and "few" equal everyone. So, everyone was called, but some people refused the invitation and are not chosen. I see this as God chosen people, the Jew's, refusing the invitations because they are still waiting for the Messiah to come. Jesus has seen this so He sent his disciples to the gentiles so they will be invited also. However in reference to the man who was thrown out; it can not be assumed that a gentile will accept the invitation either and so he will be thrown out. Interesting!

Now that last comment I will make will be about Matthew 28:11-15.

"...You are to say, 'His disciples cam during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.'...And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day."

I don't have much to say about this but I find it amazing that this one action has gone down through so many generations of Jews. This one deception has caused God's chosen people to turn from Jesus. They still wait for the day to rejoice that the Messiah has come.

God Bless

Your comments are welcome.

Oh, Great God.

My Dad sent me a song:

Nichole Nordeman-Small Enough

oh, great god, be small enough to hear me now
there were times when i was crying
from the dark of daniel's den
and i have asked you once or twice
if you would part the sea again
but tonight i do not need a fiery pillar in the sky
just wanna know you're gonna hold me if i start to cry
oh, great god, be small enough to hear me now

oh, great god, be close enough to feel you now
there have been moments when i could not
face goliath on my own
and how could i forget we've marched around
our share of jerichos
but i will not be setting out a fleece for you tonight
just wanna know that everything will be alright
oh great god, be close enough to feel you now

all praise and all honor be
to the god of ancient mysteries
whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history
but tonight my heart is heavy
and i cannot keep from whispering this prayer
"are you there?"

and i know you could leave writing on the wall
thats just for me
or send wisdom while i'm sleeping,
like in soloman's sweet dreams
but i don't need the strength of samson
or a chariot in the end
just want to know that you still know how many hairs
are on my head
oh great god, be small enough to hear me now

My Computer

There are some day when I just hate my computer. I sit there hour after hour sending out messages and then waiting for replies. I check my facebook and my email in the morning, no messages. I go for breakfast and then run back upstairs to check it again, just in case, but still nothings there. I think to myself what a waste of time and energy I should be doing something outside. However, on mornings that I wake up and the Internet isn't working I will spend hours trying to fix it just so I can get back on to check my messages that are never there. Then there are days that I just love my computer because it connects me to my family and many wonderful friends that I've met throughout life. Oh dear...I guess I'm stuck with it forever.

The Lost Sheep.

3Then Jesus told them this parable: 4"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. Luke 15:3-7

My heart mourns for the loss of one so young. I'm sure Health Ledger and his shocking death will be talked about for a long time to come. Yes, he was a good actor, and he was only 28 years old. He never flaunted himself, and as far as the public is concerned he wasn't a "bad boy". However, for me that is not what first comes to mind, what I think of is, what has happened to him now. I can not judge or ever know for sure if he believed in God but he most likely did not. Like so many other people he most likely died without knowing God. What a sad thing to think of, even if he didn't mean anything to me personally, he was still one of God's lost sheep, His child.


Now think of your family and friends... Where are they going?

A New Year!

Well yesterday was my 21st birthday, and I couldn't have asked for a better day. It is still a little strange to find myself in my twenties, for when you are a child or a teenager the big 2-0 seems miles away. I have to say I have no complaints so far, my life has been very interesting. At times I feel as though I have lived two lives up to now and am still wondering how I put myself back together. I certainly wouldn't be as far as I am without my Father, my God, my best friend. He has truly blessed me with my family and friends, old and new. Well here's to a new year!! God Bless

Now I've had the time of my life...

"Now I've had the time of my life,

No I never felt like this before,

Yes I swear its the truth,

and I owe it all to you."

Haha...well I can't exactly explain why I started with that song but it must mean I'm in a good mood. There has been a few interesting moments in my life where the only thing missing was the appropriate song to play in the background. On a Sunday morning for example Keith Green's Scripture Song Medley, "This is the day that the Lord has made," would be just perfect. Or when I'm starting to get stressed out, "I want to get away, I want to fly away, yeah yeah yeah," would give me a good laugh, I can't remember where I heard that song??

OK well those are some of my musings for the night. Cheerio...

Just a Bit of Fun

A)

B)

OK lets see how creative everyone is, stare at the flames and tell me what you see.

The Wheel!! Just having a bit fun during the Christmas market.